WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
