The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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