note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
