I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
