he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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