gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
