I just pynch a tree in the face
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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