his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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