Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All I want is dick and wine.
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