Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
