She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
