You're completely useless in the revolution.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
