I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
