I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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