This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
