I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
