I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
