She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
