i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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