you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
