Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
