Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
