i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
