we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
