between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize