I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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