You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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