I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
