Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
