I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
