yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
