I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize