I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
no you cant smoke seaweed
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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