Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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