I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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