I'm lost and stupid without you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Randomize
