So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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