return my video game
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
