Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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