I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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