Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
