tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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