Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He passed out mid-signature
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
