worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
