I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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