When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
