Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
