I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
