we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
