When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize