i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
