She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
