Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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