If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
