Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
