I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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