some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
