She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This house was built for laser tag.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
