Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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