That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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