dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize