I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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