he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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