we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
