He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
