I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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