I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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