Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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