Im at strip club and am horny
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Less talking, more tequila
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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