Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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