I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
