not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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