There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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