I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
