Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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