Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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