Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
