8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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