Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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