and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
